[Photo: Diana]

The MacRitchie Reservoir trail is one refuge from the hustle and bustle of the Singapore city life I enjoy escaping to. It’s also where I go on walks with friends to talk, to enjoy their company in the depths of nature. Extremely therapeutic I must say.

The whole trail (up and down) takes about 3 hours.


What a fucking bad morning it had been. I have made a total of 3 trips to the toilet to bawl my fucking eyes out. It’s 1pm. I feel functional now.



Why you gotta revisit my ass when I’m working and trying to set my life up for bigger things?

At times like this I wished I can be like any other normal human beings, like those in my close proximity, who fall ill with flu or fever, take a sick day, pop some pills and then be back in full gear, working, grinding.

Because, I can’t take a sick day because I’m feeling like “utter piss in my brain” or “wanting to kill someone with myself on the top of the list”. Neither do I want to go back to the Prozacs, the Xanaxs which will work but leave me bedridden for 2 weeks, a non-functioning blob under the blankets.

Yesterday, I felt a lift in my mood for the first time in a long month and that was when the burst of productivity came, goals set, plans planned. But today, I’m back in the ditches again, confused, helpless, playing victim, being everything I hate about myself.

But new chapter. This is the part of the narrative when I live through the relapse, beat the shit out of it and gain an arsenal to prepare myself for the next one.